Good-Looking and Ignored

Ian Writes:

Would you consider writing another article on game for good looking guys? I was struggling trying to figure out what was wrong and your articles were incredibly helpful. I fit in to the type 2 (alpha male with male model type looks) you described and noticed that as I grew in to my looks and got in better shape I would rarely catch girls looking at me unless I’m putting out a relaxed, outgoing vibe and even then it’s nervous deer in headlights type looks. It’s actually quite frustrating, any further advice or articles on this would be awesome. I found it way easier to hook up with girls when I was an ~8/10 in looks and would get opened constantly, now it’s very rare girls come up to me and when I come up to them they nervously stumble their words and I feel like I’m just walking them through a conversation a lot of the time.

Well Ian, lucky for you I’ve been planning on writing a book on just this subject, game for good-looking guys (don’t worry that most likely will not be the title) – now when this book actually gets done and released, fuck if I know, so then y’all will just have to keep coming back here for updates, or follow my twitter account. Seems I’ve hit a bit of a niche within the manosphere and hopefully its big enough to warrant me charging a few bucks for it for you all to soak up and worship me, I mean read it and like it.

But enough blatant self-promotion/self-ass-kicking diatribes, let’s get to the heart of the matter with your concerns. With anything in-game, as I contest, the first thing any man needs to do is to fit a style and look and come to terms on the inside with the new outside you. Inner game matching your outer look. The next thing isn’t to just go approach 1000’s of women, no it’s to go out be social and calibrate yourself with your look, your looks, and your target’s perception of you, in this case hot babes that barely look at you now, and when they do they act like “deer in headlights”. Once you start getting a reaction, that’s when you can start running game, when you can start experimenting. See this is the core reason why, although basic game tenets run true for everyone, the style and method you use to run game is specifically geared towards you. So I can tell you specifics, but it may not work for you, as I don’t know you, see you or can tell what vibe you’re giving off to the ladies.

Now it’s very easy to get all up in your head about these reactions, but if you can stop and think about it and let it ruminate around your brain like a fresh sip of wine swirling around your palate, you’ll be able to tell that these reactions are providing you with much-needed and valuable information, not only in how to calibrate your look and vibe, but to successfully use these reactions to your advantage.

Now I’m not going to tell you a way that you can magically start having chicks start staring you down in public, we would need to get much more specific details about your situation. Besides I wouldn’t make that promise. Anyone who does is a bullshitter. What I can tell you is that something is off with your vibe and look. It most likely is that you’re too good-looking for them to feel safe in checking you out, or to not feel insecure around you when you talk. It could be something else, but let’s stick with this, as this is the primary good-looking guy problem. Ian have you ever been out with friends, girls or guys, and have them tell you that some hot babe was totally checking you out, one that you saw when you came into the room and she totally ignored you when you looked at her, or when you checked her out she looked like she couldn’t be less interested in your presence? I’ll guess, yes.

See I’ve had these too, it’s frustrating because sometimes you think your friends are messing with you, especially your guy friends, because well we do this to each other – but there’s a very good reason for this. Girls are very insecure when they see something of high value, at least on average they are. See they get to walk around the object of most mens desires all day every day, then they see you, and they’re put into a position they’re not used to at all. They suddenly feel not worthy, nervous, insecure, and not pretty or hot enough. Besides you probably have a girl-friend, or 20, she’ll just check you out longingly like a creepy dude in a trench coat checking out a hot young chick. Either that or they think your gay.

One thing never mentioned, is that if you look too good as a guy, you’re most often passed off as gay. The best looking guys to many girls always turn out to be gay, so they assume any guy 8 or above is too hot to be straight. So they’ll check you out or notice you but think, meh he’s got to be gay.

Now how do you deal with this? Well you use this information to your advantage. This is something I’m usually terrible at on an average day, and why I’m not a great approach-er, (yeah I can admit it so what) – being a good-looking guy and approaching a girl who’s gonna shrink and cower and act like she’s gonna faint when you start talking to her is not an easy thing to get through. Like you mentioned, you’re completely dominating the conversation trying to get her to contribute anything, just so you’re not the only one putting in any effort. I have low energy most times, when I’m out, and got myself in high energy mode and really want to do approaches like this, I can just fine, but really as I’ve stated before I’m lazy, and probably not quite good-looking enough to be as lazy as I am. But I probably am.

You have two options that you can go here. And it’s a decision you shouldn’t take lightly, because both ways will turn off opposite girls. You want to run either direct game, like when she’s shy and nervous you can then call a cab and ask her what kind of drink she likes and tell the cabby to go to your place. Direct game will get you laid quick and easy with some girls, of course you could be talking to one that this scares the shit out of and leaves. That’s option two, learn to talk to girls where you can make her feel at ease, when you’re good-looking you can pull a few cheesy would-be beta lines out on her, and the more cheesy the better because you want to bring yourself down a level for her to make her feel comfortable to talk to you and tease you. Most girls only know how to flirt through teasing, she can’t tease you if she thinks you’re the god of thunder. Now this won’t really go over to well with the chick that lapped your cum off your cock after using direct game, she’ll think there’s something wrong with you, and get beta or insecure vibes from you. But even the girls that don’t, it shouldn’t take you long to bang them, most of those can be same night lays too, you just have to put in all that annoying talking and going out to a bar or restaurant crap that kind of bug me.

But it’s up to you which path you choose. There is no middle of the road.

6 thoughts on “Good-Looking and Ignored

  1. Thank you for writing this. I would buy any book you would put out as I’m finding this way more challenging then game was before. In the sense that certain girls just will turn me down almost cruelly if I talk to them a lot of the time (6 and 7’s), the only direct approaches I generally get are girls who are a bit off mentally and want someone to put on a pedestal (not all but a lot) and most girls just seem disinterested but I can catch them glancing if I’m quick and they generally look away right away. Or girls will be having a conversation and I’ll walk by and they’ll get quiet until I pass. It’s actually really frustrating. I’m naturally a friendly, easy going guy and even if a girl I was completely unattracted to were to approach me I would still be friendly to her. It seems like women are under the impression speaking with me is putting their sense of self on the line and they think I’m just going to be mean or something whereas if a decent looking girl were to just approach me and start a normal conversation it would be a huge turn on. It’s like there is huge pre-conceived notions being put on me and it’s like a tight rope walk to not get a bad reaction. Anything I’m doing is getting a stronger reaction then I’ve come to terms with I think so now it’s like a balancing act of being congruent with that higher image and not just throwing them off. You’ve given me a lot to think about so thank you as I think I’ve been way miscalibrated. I also think I’ve been dressing too well, I went out somewhere this evening and wore an old hoody and messed my hair up and noticed a couple more glances.

    Ironically when I grew up I actually got bullied by some girls when I was younger which caused me to develop a huge fear of rejection and social anxiety. I was also very thin, pale, dorky, glasses and braces and massively introverted and insecure. Grew into my looks a bit in late teens and started studying inner game stuff intensively and was getting great results, approached a lot etc. I kept developing inner game (for women and the benefits in other areas of life) and at a point the attention just dropped off almost completely seemingly, although I know I am far more centered and alpha now and also better looking and in better physical shape. I’ve been struggling to figure out what had gone wrong and have just kept dressing better and working on myself more and more and massively overcompensating (99% of other sites saying looks don’t matter whatsoever didn’t help). I used to be able to just act a little cocky and tease girls playfully and now if I do any of that off the bat it’d be a disaster.

    Any further advice or articles would be helpful and I definitely think you’ve found a niche here as this just isn’t covered and when people mention having problems being good looking on other sites the responses are just guys telling them they’re not actually good looking or that looks don’t matter and they have 0 game. Also I listened to the most recent podcast after my first post and it was also very insightful.

    Attached pic if it helps at all (getting laid is more important then privacy to me):
    http://oi60.tinypic.com/69dfdl.jpg

  2. Definitely write a book man, this topic hasn’t been written on much and you have a lot of knowledge to share. I can relate to this topic myself. Something that I encounter a lot, especially now that I’m married, is women being downright rude to me. I guess it’s a combo of being attractive, somewhat aloof (though I’m quite friendly once I get to talking) and taken. It doesn’t matter much to me anymore, but I wish I’d had more awareness of what was going on in my twenties. Pay attention to Donlak, good looking men.

  3. I really don’t want to hijak this post, as Donlak has summarized it very well, but as a guy who has first hand experience in this field, along with completing a manuscript and developing a current blog to my name – with many posts relevant to good looking men – I couldn’t help myself from adding my two penneth…

    First, Donlak hits an excellent point in that hot/very cute women rarely have to be placed in living situations where a man is on their looks level. As 99% of men will fall below this threshold, and these men will act desperate and complimenting when in their vicinity, a woman’s whole emotions are turned on its head when she sees a man who is not infatutated by her beauty. In time constrained moments, a woman is most likely to go with her ego and ignore an eye catching man, even though she probably saw him from a further distance. Over time, and with opportunities to show her how you are a genuine guy, the tables turn in favour of a good looking man over the hoards of average looking men who give her nothing more than indifferent feelings.

    Without choosing to piss on Iain’s picnic here, I did take a look at your picture. this may sound harsh, but keeping it real, I think there may be a disparity of a full grade in terms of how you rate your look against how the outside world would assess it. You may well have good height and body profile to accompany (hard to tell from the photo), but I can only say that I wouldn’t honestly place you in the top end (<1%) of facially gifted men. With this in mind, I tend to think that women are not dismissing your attentions because you are too good looking. That said, I would definitely say you fall into the well above avergage facial looks bracket, and from my observations, men with good bodies, height, attitude and above average (but not extremely handsome) faces are seen with the cutest women (and some hot women – if you have status and money). So my advice would be to take advantage of this, and hit on women 10% to 15% more physically attractive than you. With this theory, you should in practice be able to secure top end cute (7.75/10) and lower end hot (8/10 to 8.25/10) women.

  4. Thanks for input vinay3543. Height is 6 foot 2 and lean muscular build. I’ll keep what you said in mind, I think I’ve been over dressing and coming across incongruent mainly.

    Implemented what you said last night donlak and got laid for first time in a month. Toned down to a more relaxed approachable style and went direct and it went great. Id love to read your other book it it’s available for purchase in PDF or an alternative measure as I don’t have a kindle.

  5. Calibration is very key like Donlak mentioned, as in you want to quickly figure out which type of girl you’re talking to: the slutty girl who loves cocky/arrogant men or the more normal girl who needs you to act a bit more beta/needy. This is where experience IMO is very important. I’ve messed this up before where I was pushing myself more towards beta behavior when the girl I was talking to wasn’t looking for that in a guy at all, while in other instances I was coming off as too arrogant and scaring away another girl. I don’t think you have to change your personality to be only one or the other, but IMO you need to be able to ACT like one or the other, depending on the type of girl you’re talking to. I freely admit though that I’m still working on this and I sometimes go too much one way or the other on my own, without calibrating myself to how the girl I’m talking to is reacting.

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