I’m Good-Looking, Why Won’t She Check Me Out

A reader writes:

I’m getting better looking every day due to working out and good diet.
I also moved to a huge college town in Florida. The town’s name rhymes
with redacted for privacy.

Anyway, I’ve noticed that I get some heavy attention from the ladies,
especially cute ones at bars/clubs. When they’re drunk, they will
outright tell me how sexy I am.

But then I’ll be out at Wal-Mart or Starbucks or the school library,
and NOT A SINGLE CHICK LOOKS AT ME. Or I’ll catch their eye for a
second and they’ll look away. Frustrating as hell.

And only recently have I started to realize I’m good-looking, and at
this point I’m starting to grow into it. But it frustrates me and
causes me to question whether I am good-looking or not when these
girls apparently ignore me. It’s usually the average looking girls
that ignore me in public places. Are they intimidated?

I just assume that there is something wrong with any female that does
not check me out. But then it messes with my newly developing
self-image.

About me: Been studying game for about 6 years, been with about 9-10
girls, exactly 6 foot 3 inches, 200 pounds, muscular (and getting more
so every day), good diet, dress very well, and my voice is loud and
commanding (when I focus on doing so). And I have about 5 years in the
Air Force, so that experience has also created a dominant attitude
within me.

My question is this: is this a normal occurrence for guys who are just
starting to realize they’re good-looking? And can you send me a bunch
of bookmarks I can read about good-looking game? I need to get this
out-of-the-way. It’s messing with my reality too much.,

Thank you for bringing up a situation and question that many good-looking guys that, shall we say are late bloomers have, or experience. This of course falls into the category I’ve described before as #goodlookingguyproblems. You accurately describe this bewildering predicament as something normal for guys who just start realizing they’re good-looking. It’s happened to me, and I know it’s happened to others. This is why I say there are a few different types of good-looking guy, sometimes it’s a guys style, others it’s when he knew he was money in the looks and babe department.

Now some guys and gals think that just by being good-looking all one’s problems fall to the way side as a guy, as he’s in the top percentile of dudes chicks have the tingles for, they do so because they kind of lump it in with the hottest percentile of ladies, and it’s not quite the same. The reason for this is status and status alone. See a good-looking guy with no status, well he may still be able to pull a bunch of girls, but not with the same ease as the good-looking guy with status. Here’s an example, the good-looking college quarterback doesn’t need to do jack squat except not be a wimp, and come out of his house, to have girls and have his pick. Is it because he’s so physically hot? No, that’s only a small part of it, even though that’s what girls will say, “He’s so hot.” but it’s really the status mixed with good looks that makes a guy “hot” to a girl. If you compare him to just the average guy with minimal popularity and no status (and not the moody loner guy that’s a status too) then the QB will mop the floor with him.

Being good-looking doesn’t fix all your game problems. Status is still very important. However this is one thing within your power to shape, and when you’re good looking you don’t actually need a lot of it, unless you’re surrounded with competing dudes all vying for a few broads. If you’re good-looking, you only need to have some status, decent job, good style, friends, knowing people who work at bars etc.

Style also goes hand in hand these days, and I’ll give you a personal example. I too, even to this day go out during the day and sometimes not one girl looks at me, or do I catch looking at me, and other days I have girls i interact with flirt like their pussy is dripping down their legs, and I get fuck me eyes and checked out from every hot girl I see. Lately I’ve been wearing my hair longer but I’ve hidden it under one of those hipster toque’s and that seems to drive girls in Vancouver crazy for some reason. Mainly because I suddenly look like a snowboarder who travels to Whistler every weekend and has money, parties and all sorts of things she immediately relates to someone who I suddenly look like. I don’t even have to lie all that much if I’m talking to her. I just let her keep thinking I am who she thinks I am and stay congruent with it. Now the times that I don’t get checked out is when I think I look good, in the style I like. Chicks don’t seem to dig it, and I seem in-congruent and send a less attractive message.

Reader you may be getting a certain reaction at the bar because you’re good-looking, and fit the part of the bar guy or club guy, and that will work in that setting. But it doesn’t always work when you’re out, so you need to see what kind of style chicks dig out in the streets, see a girl check another dude out and see what he’s rocking.

There’s another important aspect here, and that is out on the street, chicks aren’t aggressively looking to get fucked or be picked up, sometimes they’re on their way somewhere, work, with friends, on their own and self-conscious. The thing to remember is it’s not always you, and chicks aren’t always in the mood when they see someone good-looking like guys are.

5 thoughts on “I’m Good-Looking, Why Won’t She Check Me Out

  1. I’m sure you provided some good advice — but I couldn’t get through the whole email. One thing you forgot to mention in your post … Quit Caring. The single greatest weapon in a Man”s arsenal is “outcome independence” – just stop. You are THE prize. And 99% of all women could care less about you. Stop worry about them – put yourself in the center of your universe. Let other orbit around you – you create your life, your create your mood, your create your style — it is up to YOU.

    Now go live your live. Walk Tall. Chin Up. Chest Out, Eyes Front. and quit worrying about it all. You are the conqueror, not them.

  2. These are the 4 items you need to consider when considering why girls may not be too endearing with a very good looking guy (this circumstance can be with the hottest women who are even above you in physically attractiveness relativity terms):

    1) Low confidence
    2) Low trust
    3) High insecurity
    4) High (unbelievably high) egoism

    Donlak is spot on in terms of how male status trumps male looks every time.

    The below post may offer a little more on this subject:

    http://www.vinaywcmd.com/2014/01/the-isolated-exceptions-of-mutual-beauty.html

  3. I’m glad you have written on this topic as it is one I’m familiar with personally. I’ve been told by women that I’m handsome, cute, sexy. I’ve even had a very attractive woman say that I have “movie star good looks”. I don’t know if I believe that, but it’s nice to have the compliments.

    However, there’s been a downside and one which it took me a very long time to get my head around. Let’s just say I knew what was up a long time ago because I thought it was me for a long time. I’ve had the most bizarre behavior from girls. Everything from extreme bitchiness, girls clamming up and being unable to talk (and just giggling), girls going out of their way to act uninterested, and so forth. On occasions when I’ve been able to talk about this with a girl (after getting to know her) I would find out they were nervous around me. In fact, I’ve even been told by an ex-girlfriend that some girls find me intimidating.

    I started thinking about this and realized that my entire package must come off as intimidating until a girl gets to know me. I dress well, am tall and fit. I am generally laconic and aloof (usually because I am lost in my own thoughts and not because I’m trying to pull some James Bond shit). I’m intelligent and articulate (soooooo beta!!). I guess all of these things make girls nervous.

    Realizing they are nervous around me was a great shift in my perspective, and a helpful one.

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  5. “Now the times that I don’t get checked out is when I think I look good, in the style I like. Chicks don’t seem to dig it, and I seem in-congruent and send a less attractive message.”

    Love this quote. Switched my style from wearing high end clothes that I really liked and putting product in my hair etc a few weeks ago and have been rocking an older hoody and messing up my hair a bit before I go out and the female attention is way up.

    I think you hit a really good point about the incongruence of dressing too stylish in public if you have good looks because imo it either intimidates the girl or makes you look insecure when you already have looks and are trying to look even better by dressing up. Casual, approachable and a friendly smile has shifted the attention I’ve got dramatically.

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