A reader writes:
There is the unproven theory that in order to keep a woman interested in you, or to produce more interest in the first place if you have only just (or never) met her, the most prudent and successful process is to illustrate your value (in a discrete and effortless way) to her. The most pertinent way would be to show her you are a guy with options: therefore allow her knowledge other women are interested in you by charming and flirting with them in front of her. I totally agree with this to an extent, as this is the fundamental way a female brain works in the attraction field :- 1) allowing her to believe you are a challenge, 2) validation other women find you attractive – hence her emotional competitiveness comes out.
My only reservation is to how far this logic is taken, and how it may differ depending on how physically attractive a man you are? For example, an ugly, average or above average-looking guy will need to act in this way, as if she is a relatively hot woman (or at least hotter than him) then she will have an immediate perception of her value being higher than his – so he needs to balance the power scales by inflating his low or mediocre perceived value. However, if you are a good-looking guy, and the woman you are interested in is only at your level at best, can this exploitation of charisma in front of her actually cause her to reject you? In other words, she had an assumed vision of you already being attractive in the eyes of many women, it is confirmed by women placing themselves in your vicinity and giving IOIs, and she consequently thinks (although never admitting to it publically) that you will be too much to deal with due to numerous female competitors. How does a good-looking or great-looking guy strike the balance?
As a link to the above, is it your opinion, like mine, that although they rarely confess to this being the truth, most women (including, and especially hot women) prefer to be in relationships with men less physically attractive than they are? This is with the exception of the very rare handsome men that also attain extreme wealth or fame – therefore she will risk investment of her emotions due to what she has to gain out of it – this being money and attention/status.
The reader brings up a couple of interesting, ah… dilemmas that come with learning game and understanding how females work, most importantly in the power shift in the sexual market place that has swung proportionally towards girls. Preselection and ultimate selection.
Let’s start with Preselection first, the former of the concerns. Does flirting with other girls work, particularly if you are a good looking guy? To first understand this fully, you must understand that there has been a shift in how and why girls bang or date a guy in the current market. Mainly there are now a rich pocket of sorority type chicks that run in social circuits of night life and parties, they being young, usually mid twenties and younger, that have shifted to a traditionally male selection strategy which is primarily based on looks, meaning they want a hot guy to show off.
The main difference of course is that although they’ll get off sexually more with a hot guy, it’s not the only reason she’ll pick looks – this with the fact that the rest of her social circle will elevate her or keep her status where it is has a much bigger influence on her than how you make her tingle off your looks. A guy will pick a hot babe to satisfy his dick, and only that, any other bonuses are mitigating and doesn’t affect his selection (except to get more hot babes or access to her hot friends). A chick who only goes after ‘hot’ guys is a socialite fantasy liver, she thinks she’s a kardashian and people give a shit. Some of these will even lock up a ‘hot’ dude and be miserable as she walks all over him through marriage and her little dog adoptions.
With these girls, and in the social circles with these girls, yes being good looking will suffice, as long as you have some wit and charm, even mimbo charm. And flirting openly with other girls will be a minimal advantage, it can help, but the girls should all be openly flirting with you anyways, so mild flirting will be where you want to reside. For the average dude, he has to walk a finer line, and the idea is that he’ll have to sometimes begin the flirting with other girls, so his girl can see other girls want him, thus triggering in her head that you’re higher status than she thinks you are. However doing too much can back fire and make you look try hard. Either way flirting with other girls won’t get you laid, it’s just a way of planting the seed to let her know you have options, triggering her to be good, or have you run off with the hot waitress.
As for the second part – I don’t agree with your assessment – girls, especially young ones do want good looking guys, and it’s becoming more prominent – however it’s still more important that a guy has game and knows how to push her buttons in order for her to remain in love and interested. This is where being traditionally male and having game trumps good looks, or money – of course her ideal will be a man with all three. If a man has looks and money but is a pussy, she may use him and marry him for those perks, but she won’t tingle after the luster of hot guy sex wears off in a few months, chicks are quite calculating in mate selection, especially when void of the tingle.
So you may see girls with slightly lower looks than a girl, but usually he has game, something that he has over her – no matter what, girls don’t date down, even if it appears to be so. If looks aren’t the reason, other less obvious to observers is.