The Fake It Till You Make It Mantra

The Game has been evolving, ever so slightly, but if you’ve been following the manosphere over the past year, you have seen a pretty big shift from PUA type advice, to a more in depth, way of living and lifestyle kind of living and practicing of game – gone seem to be routines and lines that provide examples of what you should say, hell even how to pass shit tests seem to have vanished into the ether. I’m not really sure how much of the mystery method type stuff is even being taught anymore – oh I’m sure there are still PUA guru’s running classes and selling men the same stuff that mystery said, etc. But as the new masters have taken over the manosphere, there has definitely been a decline of the same old same old, and pleasantly so.

What I felt by the old game teachers, were examples and routines that would get you started, or help you in certain situations, but really wouldn’t give you too much context on why this works, or how to incorporate these into your own voice, style, and words. Things like the horse opener, has really gone the way of the dodo bird. The Game has evolved as  it always does mainly I think because of the plethora of material available and the popularity of game that has now seen multiple pop culture references in movies and tv shows over the past few years, and the knowledge that many girls in the sexual market place have of game, and being gamed. I’ve been on countless dates with women that have mentioned some inner knowledge of game, and talked like the old pick up guru’s – dropping game terms, but more about guys running game on them, and how they could spot it easily, and how easily it was for the girls to see through it, and of course reject it, and even make fun of them running it. In reality these guys were running old game, and thus bad game. If you’re whole game is revolving around the mystery method, you need to upgrade to Game 2.0 (it’s really just game 2011 version, since game’s been around since the beginning of time). Since the targets are aware of it, you need to adjust your game in the field, and not run routines, you need to build your lifestyle game and confidence game up, while understanding seduction and closing – crafty canned openers won’t cut it.

Now with that being said, there is room for some of the old ways in your current game arsenal, as many of the masters you are reading now trash on the old method and trash on the idea of a PUA, a reader who’s trying to learn game might be confused and lead them down a path of trying old stuff, or new stuff, failing, and then hating on game and becoming bitter white knights. One example of this almost assault on the old style of game is the ‘fake it, till you make it’ mantra. It is pretty widely accepted that this advice is bogus – the belief of guys who didn’t have game, went through the learning stages and then became good at it, tend to reject some of the noob related game advice out there – perhaps its the inability to see their old selves, or that when they get the confidence and mastery over game, they cannot fathom some of the newbie methods that may have gotten them there, or will help get noobs to where they don’t need this type of advice anymore. But mainly, I think, it’s that some of these things, like ‘fake it, till you make it’, were never fully understood. Fake what? and why? The argument against faking it till you make it, is that you can’t fake confidence, and the people who have tried have failed.

Here’s the problem with the argument: They are right, you can’t fake confidence. You either have confidence or you don’t, but you can certainly grow confidence, and you can certainly gain confidence even where there was none before. So, if you can obtain confidence, and grow confidence, then there must be something to this old saying, much like the ‘dress for the job you want, not for the job you have’. These phrases are there for men who are lacking in self confidence, it is a mental mind trick that they can play on themselves to flip the negativity and self conscious feedback loop they employ in their old non-game life. With out switching off these negative feed back loops, they will be doomed to failure. Faking it also shouldn’t have been misleading the young padawans into believing that they should be faking confidence,  that’s impossible and leads to major blow outs, and confidence shattering events. No the fake it till you make it, is a placard for frame control. It is teaching men how to have, and maintain their frame. How they think of themselves, building their own romanticized story and image of themselves, and learning not to break frame, ever. It is the beginnings of solidifying your frame so that at some point, you don’t even think about it anymore – it is so rock hard that nothing can crack or dent it. Of course, once you have mastered this frame control, faking it till you make it will seem silly. You look back when you first were trying this and see how sad you were. It’s called growing, I’d rather be looking back at myself and say, boy I was a sad case, then look back and say, damn I missed the good days when I was banging hot chicks. One means you’re growing, the other means the opposite.

Faking it till you make it, was advice meant to cancel out negative reinforcement – but I think why modern game advice guru’s have a problem with it, is that it was never explained as this. The early advice game was, use these routines, chicks don’t like pussies, or beta’s – approach, approach, approach. A lot of their techniques were a sort of, here’s a knife now dive into that pool of sharks and sink or swim. It works for some, others it didn’t. That game relied on the belief that most men had an inner player inside them, charisma dying to get out – but not everyone does. The ones that did, probably got success, the ones that are so out of their element, or don’t understand why they are doing routines and using canned material, failed. As a man who has coached and managed and directed, hundreds of people, I know there is no one way to teach people. There are different ways in which people understand things, and take advice or commands. The downside of early game was it was too structured for one type of person – thus the growing hatred of game by all the game naysayers and haters, which really plagues us today.

Some guys never needed to understand why they were doing it, the simple statements of this is how girls are wired was enough of a pop gun going off in their heads that they didn’t need to come to terms with why they should be learning this. They just did it, maybe got some success and ran with it, while the others internalized it, and felt foolish, because they didn’t understand why they needed this, outside of, the pussy likes it. Some guys still need to fit game in with their existing beliefs about themselves, they want to understand both why it works on girls, but how this is helping them and why this is a good idea. Explanations like, this will help you break your negative feedback loop, by inserting positive ones, and building your frame, would do wonders with many men, running their own game, which is the reality of game. Don’t run someone else’s game, run your game. Faking it till you make it, is practicing until you have fine tuned this to suit you. Show me a guy who says he’s a player, that says he never tried certain tactics and failed, which helped him learn and grow, and I’ll show you a guy who’s never been laid.

Faking it till you make it is strictly inner game practice, a method to teach you how to keep positively creating and reinforcing your inner core, your inner frame, until it becomes a solid reality. In this aspect, it is still valid for the young padawans.

3 thoughts on “The Fake It Till You Make It Mantra

  1. Hey man, this is great stuff, I love how you present and develop your idea throughout. You’ve hit the nail on the head of some nuances that are not so easy to see. I like to think of fake it till you make it as training wheels, and eventually taking them off. You just have to fall down, scrape your knees etc. before you gain mastery. It also makes me think of the Zen story about the archer that tries for years to master a shot, finally gives up, then observes another student doing it, and then BAM, he gets it and just DOES it.

  2. The problem is that people should be aware that there is a difference between having the end skills and frame of mind and the journey you need to get there.

    In the same way there is a difference between the slam-dunk a basketball player does in the final game of the season and the training drills he has been doing since he was a kid.

    Learning process Vs End Skills

    The paradigm of the PUA world has been… “Here are the End Skills, do them over and over until you can pull it off”.

    It should be…”Where are you now? Where do you want to be? What kind of exercises are you going to have to do to improve yourself to get there?”

    There is a subtle but very real and practical difference in both approaches.

  3. Yes I never quiet figured out all those routines or the idea behind it. It all seemed so illusionary, I get the break-the-ice prerogative but the problem for me is seeking that opening I guess.

    Confidence is a major stumbling block, to everything it seems. Lying is also a problem

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