Action… You’re Goals May Be Holding You Back

One of the worst pieces of advice I have heard given to men, is the old ‘secret’ type of advice, in dealing with girls especially, as if you are one to not deny reality, you will accept that on some level as men, everything we do revolves around getting girls – the advice goes something like this: picture the type of woman you want to be with, focus on it, and start to become the kind of man who that girl would be attracted to. You can replace girl with everything else. It’s the ‘dress for the job you want, not for the one you have’ bullshit mantra. I suppose the philosophy behind these tactics is to trick your subconscious into becoming something that you want to be. There of course are numerous problems with this philosophy that will eventually lead to an epic collapse of discouragement and disappointment, followed by waning self confidence and depression, when these things don’t occur. For one, we all know that the laws of attraction are dictated by push and pull, the more you push, the further things move away from you, and the more you pull, the more things come to you. It’s a simple trick to suggest that determining what you want and working to become something that would attract this thing will magically allow it to be drawn to you.

For one, focusing on one woman will make you obsess about it, even if you put it into the back of your mind, also focusing on a type of woman will have the same effect – as will focusing on one job and any one thing. It’s a narrowing view that limits your growth potential and does not expand your horizons. Limiting yourself will do you no good, limiting your goals to one or two things will only cause pain and anguish. It is a misconception that many people have in life, that when they accomplish certain things, or acquire certain things, then they will be happy. It is simply not the case. As men, once a thing is conquered we move on to the next thing to conquer. There is no happiness, except from the enjoyment of doing. Creating and destroying are two sides of the same coin, but they both are of the coin of action. Action is what makes us happy, it’s the process of doing things rather then the end goal. And focusing on a specific goal, will cause you to need it, want it, and these traits are associated with pushing things away from you.

I’ve stated over and over again, reality will always win in the end, it is not something that will be denied, no matter how much you choose to ignore it. What happens when that girl you’ve been focusing on changing your life to attract doesn’t notice you, or rejects you? You will be nothing more than a shriveling mess sitting around drinking and thinking about what the whole point was, why put in all this effort anymore if you aren’t gonna get what you really want? It gives you a false motivation with high chance of failure and you will be unable to deal with the consequences and paradigm shift this creates in your little fantasy bubble about your world, and world view - and it starts the rationalization computer to start coming up with excuses for what you did wrong and what you need to do to start attracting the next obsession into your life.  There’s an undercurrent of game here in these strategies – peacocking and getting a better style in order to attract girls, act a certain way to attract girls etc – the difference is, from the good game practitioners, tell you to do these things in order to put your best foot forward, to give you the best advantage to acquire girls, and if you want to put it in other aspects of life, if can give you more advantages. A successful person realizes there is not one job, one outcome, one thing that can happen, and he plays the numbers game – a person living in reality knows that there are many chances to fail, and few to succeed, and focusing too much on either one will distort your chances at the optimal.

Having an ultimate goal is counter productive. Having a goal to always increase your experiences, your talents, your harems, your interests, your energy, your positivity, is the only goals you really need to set for yourself. Having dreams are good, and can help you motivate yourself, but the strongest motivation comes from growing, and learning, and bettering your situation. No matter how concrete your ‘goal’ is, it will cease to impress you once you’ve had it, and once you have used it for a while. Ever have an amazing girl, that during the first 3 months, she was all you needed, but then after that 3 month fuck fest, you found yourself bored with her, and looking elsewhere for new pussy? I have. I know what I’m talking about. Reaching your goals is not what it’s about, it’s about going after things, and don’t limit it to just one thing, for when you are chasing something, it is always running away from you.

Being the most interesting man in the room, and the most positive, the most energetic, the most inspiring, will attract everything to you – a man who is an interesting mother fucker who knows how to embrace all situations will never have moments of boredom. The man who sees opportunities in every and any situation, is the one who embraces life and reaps it’s golden rewards. Putting things in orders of preference limit your ability to capitalize on hidden rewards you wouldn’t even realize if you hadn’t been focused on one or two things. Next time you are in a bar, and you look around, listen to your mind, are you picking out the two or three girls you want to bang and ignoring the other ones? An alpha male takes in the whole room, every situation is an opportunity. Talking to a girl below your standards may open up a a prettier girl, hey that hotter girl may shoot you down, just as the opposite is true, not talking to the hot babe, will limit your options. If you can approach all girls the same way, a 10 is the same unnoticeable girl as the fat whale 4 trying to grind up against you, will subcomunicate your immense value, and even more so, your aura of mystery and interesting behaviour. Girls are attracted to good looks, but outside of a physical domination and male strength, they also want the mental and emotional side they do not possess; being interesting, confident, aloof, creative, ambitious and adventurous. Many times these traits get misconstrued with concrete material goods – but they aren’t – a beach bum who travels the globe surfing, and has no place to live, gives off more mystery and interesting qualities to girls than the stock broker who drives a Bently (gold diggers are redacted).

How to you guard against being outcome dependant with a girl? Well, to guard against it is to not be focused on any outcome in life in any situation. It’s difficult to wrap ones head around, but things are not about winning and losing, situations are about learning and absorbing and using for your overall betterment. Networking works this way. You do not close doors, you open them, and the only way to open them is to turn the handle. A simple interaction with a girl has the opportunity for sex with her, but if it doesn’t happen, don’t burn the bridge, it could lead to sex with her friends, the next girl that you see, the trip home – life has its mysteries still, only the men who are open to anything the universe throws his way is truly happy. Leaders are the ones who open all the doors, who hold no limiting beliefs where anything is possible… anything being possible does not mean that you’re one specific goal should and will happen, it might, but see past your dreams and your goals and see that there may be a million more opportunities open to you, if you just act.

2 thoughts on “Action… You’re Goals May Be Holding You Back

  1. Well put Donlak. Really like the part about taking in the whole room and viewing every situation as an opportunity. Right on.

  2. Agree – 100%. Steven Covey in ’7 habits for highly effective people’, says begin with the end in mind.
    A good philosophy – by taking a snapshot of what you’d like your life to look like, who you’d like to be as a person, what you’d like to have accomplished by the end of your life, you’ll be able to tailor your actions to move yourself forward to that ultimate destination.

    Without having a broader picture or mission, it becomes easy to just chase after meaningless goals for the sake of ticking them off a list.
    Nothing wrong with having goals, but better to be focused on those things that require actions which move you closer towards your ultimate dream.

    Thanks Donlak, another insightful post.

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