My first real girlfriend, back as a teenager, actually the girl that I lost my virginity too, the one girl that unleashed waves of more and more girls upon my magic shaft through the years, taught me my most valuable lesson. I had not really had any emotional connection or closeness with a girl up to that point, a few make out sessions, a few pick up’s (which I was able to do so with ignorance as my helper, aloofness is natural when you don’t think a girl actually likes you), but nothing where I spent any considerable time in close proximity of a girl. Now I wasn’t a needy man back then, I’m naturally more of a touchy kind of person, actually, I’m very tactile, it’s helped me in seduction, one, because as I’ve been told, I know how to touch a woman. But I also know how not to. With easy lays, you can become seduced into thinking you’re seductive touch will work the same on every girl. And it just won’t. Some girls aren’t very receptive to touching early, even when she’s very attracted to you. If you are touch her, even if it isn’t grabby and groping, it can give off a sign of neediness and can make her uncomfortable. Nothing makes a girl close her legs faster than being uncomfortable. Feelings, it’s all about how she feels.
So my magnificent cold and uncaring first lay, was nice enough to allow me to gently caress her, hold hands, lay my hand on her thigh, only to rebuke me a few weeks later… seemingly out of the blue. It taught me a quick lesson that I’ve learned through out my escapades with girls. Do not touch too much, and too soon, and do not show her too much attention, interest or affection. It is a ‘gina tingler. We call this aloofness, and it seems counter intuitive to what girls say they like. We’ve talked about why aloofness matters in attracting and especially keeping interest from girls, but most of the time it’s usually referred to as emotional aloofness. When you should be more concerned, or at least as concerned as being emotionally aloof.
Body language and vibe are direct result of congruency with us internally (emotionally) and externally (body language). A man can be a cold hearted bastard inside, but can exude calming caresses on the outside, which would of course produce and incongruity. Aloofness, most importantly in the beginning of the relationship (before sex) you should resist urges to touch her, make it the 2:1 ration Roissy talks about. For every three time she touches you while she flirts with you, touch her briefly once. Touching her should primarily be reserved for the final escalation, meaning when you go for the kiss, when she’s drawn into you.
A girl recently said to me, a cute guy like you just needs to sit back and let the girl come to you. It’s true, but it’s a comment that can be misinterpreted. A guy must always make the first move, and a guy must be the one to show initial attraction. But body language that comes off too needy, to horny, will cause you to fail most of the time. Girls hindbrain are wired to submit. She wants to submit. But the more you TRY to get her to submit, the more she will resist it. It’s the old, take the shortest route mantra. Realize that girls nature is to resist submitting to a man, but she ultimately will submit. The higher value man, does not bulldoze her with attention and affection, the high value man with options, waits for her to submit… once she submits, it’s when you can escalate, it’s when you can move from aloof body language, to passion.
Exceptions to this are some foreign girls. I dated an Italian girl that loved being touched all the time. You will find the odd N. American girl that enjoys this and is comfortable with it as well, but as much as the girls like to slut it up in our world, they still follow the same attraction patterns of old. She wants to wonder if you are going touch her or not… is he gonna kiss her. Some girls will submit herself very soon, letting her touch you, it’s easy to spot when you get close to her with out bearing down on her.
Knowing when and how to touch a girl will increase your odds at escalating every girl. I believe, it’s better to be aloof during the interaction, and then finish with a bold move. That strategy is almost 100% effective. Non aloof behaviour falls down into the 20% range, and it’s usually the girls I have to wait the longest with. The more attention you pay to her, the longer she’ll hold off in sleeping with you.