Lately i feel myself slipping further into a dystopic psychosis at my worst, at best,  a blistering schizophrenia. The closer i come to  making sense of our current chaos that is our culture, to attribute forms to it, symbols; the more antsy i get, the more confused i become – my soul is being stretched from one extreme to the next. I am a simple man, my life i like to keep simple, and i enjoy the simple things in life. For a great amount of time this seemed like a completely feasible way of living, and i was enthusiastically content on being such. It’s when i start craving more, stepping outside the safe little existence i have, that i come to the cosmic crushing reality of the mess that is society – its blurry, incomprehensible – no longer can things fit into relatable and quantifiable patterns. It’s just a mess.

It’s times like these that makes me wonder seriously about continuing with what might be the biggest delusion of them all, that any contribution to society by yours truly will have any affect on society. It is where i consider my escape plan, my exit – and then i realize, i’m already on the fringe – i’m an expatriate that’s still residing in my country of origin, yet i feel the strange alien feel of living in a land that is unfamiliar. A world outside my house that seems foreign, cold, malevolent, and uncomfortable.

It is times like this that the beach awaits me, living a quiet insignificant life on some small island, riding the waves and sipping a cold one in the sun – young good looking girl (s) around  for late night romping and a fire on the sand for telling of stories of what the world was like… i am hearing the call of the ocean more and more… and there is less and less  in this world that is keeping me here…

2 thoughts on “Thoughts…

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