I lost a very close friend recently. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain and shock. One day we’re mountain biking through the forest, talking about this new chick he’s banging, how hot she is, how cool she is, her great taste in music, and the great sex they’re having. I was genuinely happy for him. But the next day he was gone. I sent out an amber alert, drove around the city calling out his name, posted missing signs with his picture on it around the local parks offering a reward. But deep down I knew the reward would go unclaimed. He was gone. Forever. Lost to a controlling girlfriend.
I’ve lost a lot of friends, to relocation, death and suicide, jealousy, but there’s nothing like losing a friend to pussy. It’s usually a guy who hasn’t had a solid sexual relationship before. Then they experience regular sex and that’s it. Pussy domination. Tilt. Game over. They concede all power. They lose focus of their previous life, lose interest in what mattered to them, hobbies, friends, music, adventures. They’re more interested in exploring her world than showing her his.
I’m not saying her world is not worth exploring and I’m not saying he should have her over hanging out with his buddies on a regular basis, in fact I highly discourage that (you can’t have time away from her if she’s there with you). You see, this lost man is being awoken to a new experience in life. This new experience is, in part, an amazing thing, but it must be balanced. This experience should exclude him from losing sight of what’s important to him. It’s amazing how easy it is for guys to let go of their existence for pussy but can’t let go of pussy for their existence.
What is it that turns this once solid man into something so malleable? It’s two things, the first being the girl’s application of her insecurity. She’s afraid. Of what? Of his old life, she knows little of this life and wants to know little of this life. But she assumes the worst. She assumes he slept with every hot chick out there, in fact she finds comfort in this because what once everyone wanted, she now controls. She’s also afraid of his friends’ influences. They’re still single. They have no overlord. They are chaos and debauchery. They’re meeting and flirting with chicks, out till sunrise doing whatever they want. They represent everything she’s trying to destroy. Man’s imperative.
The second thing that turns a man to mush is the pussy. To a weak mind it has the same glamour effect a vampire has on a human. A weak minded man gets caught looking into the pussy’s abyss and loses himself. Eminem tells you to lose yourself. Never lose yourself. Lose yourself? Fuck that. Find yourself.
The ironic part of this whole thing is that it’s healthy for a guy to have some time away from his girl. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is fucking brilliant in its truth. You spend all hours, day after day, weekend after weekend with your girl, and you’ll both go crazy. This type of constant routine becomes mind numbing in its normalcy. We all need a little change, a break in routine, existence outside of the regular to be able to live within the regular. You know this and she knows this, but she’s unwilling to accept this. She needs to accept this. And you needs to guide her into this acceptance.
So what do you do? There has to be an avenue of escape from her controlling clutches. We’ll you’re lucky. There are. The first being the Needy Maneuver. I don’t recommend this, but it works. If you want to go out one night with your friends, don’t tell her, instead, from the moment you see her or talk to her in the morning, make sure she knows how much you want to be with her and how much you love her. Be sappy, insecure, whiney in your appreciation of her, be at her side all day long with nagging love. It’ll drive her fucking nuts. She’ll want a break, she’ll want you to, insist that you, take off. Nothing makes a girl need alone time more than to have you let her know you need to be around her every instant. It’s the opposite side of Donlak’s Paradox of Aloofness coin.
Your other option is you exercising your will. Be a man, the alpha who does what he wants when he wants. It’s going to cause a fight. It will test your resolve and your relationship. But you must be firm. You cannot cave in. It’s a tougher choice. A choice of struggle. A choice of argument. But if you have plans with your friends you’re going to keep them. When you tell her you’re going out with your friends and she responds, “You went out with them last week” you’re going to tell her, “That’s right, I was.” “Well when are we going to spend time together?” “We’ve been together all week.” “You’re with me, but you’re not really with me.” “What does that mean?” “I means you’re always distracted, somewhere else.” “It’s because we’re always together. It gets a little, dull.” “Why are such an asshole?” “All I said was spending every day together for 5 years, it can get dull.” “I’m not dull.” “No, we can be dull, we need to do other things. We need to enjoy our lives outside of each other.” “You want to split up?” “I didn’t say that.” “Than what do you want.” “I already told you, to go out with my friends tonight.” “Fine, get out of here. Go.” “I’m going. I’ll be home later.”
Be prepared to go through this. It’s the discussion of a long term relationship. It’s the life of a long term relationship if you want some freedom. There’s no complete freedom in an LTR. But you know that. We all know that. The question now is, is your girlfriend going to make you give up on your friends, and are you going to let her?